woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
