I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
