the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
