Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
