nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
