the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
