if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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