that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
