Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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