Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
