ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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