Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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