first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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