she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they need to just BURY HIM!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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