I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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