Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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