Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
