I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
