We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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