I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
