I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
