we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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