Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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