I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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