first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
