Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
