Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
