Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
