You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
