so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
