I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
