I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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