your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
