i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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