woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
