wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
