We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
