I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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