how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
