Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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