it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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