You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
