Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
