He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
