we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
