My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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