Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
