I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
