we're blogging at a bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
