none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
