Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
