i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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