the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
