my mouth tastes like poor choices
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
